This Thing Called Life

I have been thinking, and my dad would say "I thought I could smell something burning." A lot has happened in the last two months, not of huge significance but time passes none-the-less and as they say stuff happens. Dan and I have moved back to Idaho and coming back here has caused me to reflect more than I am comfotable with. :) I have seen a few people I have missed and four times as many people that I never missed. Its interesting to see what "everyone" I used to know is up to. Life is nuts.

I think of where I thought my life would be six years ago when I left Fruitland and its not at all where I planned. :) Normally, that would really upset me. I'm a type A, planning, red, controlling, raging, personality and when things don't go as planned I get a little grouchy. But today as I reflect I'm not getting that sense of urgency to get something accomplished.

I know this guy who had no idea what he wanted to do in life and who now "has it all" although he never planned for it. So much for that idea, right? Well I still have a plan and he did too really- but honestly who doesn't, and when did anything ever go as planned?


I visit taught one of my previous Young Women's teachers. What a great time I had. We talked about life and how it is never how you plan and no matter what is going on blessings or otherwise it is a constant, daily if not hourly task to stay focused and happy. I have been thinking about how I can better live in the moment and with happiness despite all these best laid plans.


As I look around at people I know who had plans, who didnt have plans, who are giving birth, who are losing babies, who are succeeding, who are failing, who got fat, who got skinny, who got married, who got divorced, who graduated, who is going to school, whos not going to school, who is happy, who is depressed....I just think what is this all about?

As I have reflected I have decided that I am grateful for my life not going as planned, because it has caused me to be a lot more dependant on the Lord, and in doing so have learned more and become a better perso than I would have been if I had gone by my own plan. Dan and I have learned to love the little thing and count our blessings. Its not easy and some days it really, really, sucks. :0) But I've had to learn that I have to make my own happiness. I have to make my emotions be what I want them to be.


How grateful I am to my dude, Dan. How grateful I am that things haven't worked out as planned. I am a new person everyday for that reason. A better person than I would have been, which suits my type A task oriented continally climbing personailty perfectly. and thats what it comes down to. The things that happen good or bad or the things we do or don't achieve or get, as long as we are striving, struggling, and desiring, the Lord will make us a better person than we ever thought about being.

There are a lot of things I dont understand that I wish I did. Joseph Smith once said that the three things he wanted to know the most from the Lord were never revealed to him. That hits me hard. But until I die...I guess I just have to wait it out.

There's my rant for the day. :)